PMS, Perimenopausal Style

Day 1  Wow! I feel amazing, I’m going to run for half of my workout!

Day 2  Did I just masturbate for the third time today? Everything is awesome!

Day 3  I’m a little tired today, is it really only 7:30 P.M.?

Day 4  I think I’m coming down with the flu.

Day 5  I’m taking a mental health day tomorrow. YES, I know it’s only Tuesday. Fuck off. Don’t talk to me, don’t touch me, why are you talking to me. I HATE everyone I have ever known.


Day 6  I wanted to write, I wanted to shop, I wanted to take myself out to lunch and watch Gerard Butler run around in an Egyptian skirt while I drool uncontrollably. Why the hell is it noon and I can’t drag myself out of bed? Everything hurts.


Day 7  I hate my job.

Day 8  I hate my job. Dammit, where’s my purse?

Day 9   Thank heaven for the weekend!  Jeez, another trip to the bathroom, might as well not even bother getting out of the pajamas.

Day 10  I’m going to bleed for the rest of my life.


Day 11  Just like that, it’s over.

Day 12  What the f**ge?!?

Day 13  I’ll wear one just in case.

Day 14  Well, thanks Mother Nature, you soulless bitch, see you in two months.